American: Everyone constantly thinks you are an idiot. Every other week your gay Americans are forced to live in Harlem and your straight Americans are forced to live in San Fransisco, the other weeks you are all living in Europe where there is NO ICE IN YOUR DRINKS!!! You are also forced to eat British food (Ech!).
You finally understand...
Black American: Kanye West is now your spokesman, and you are snatched from your home, put onto a tiny ship with thousands of other people, (many of them dead) it smells really bad, you are fed shitty foods, and you end up in a terrible place where you are forced to work for mean people 24/7, and you constantly get whipped/hurt/raped really badly. Barack Obama gets overthrown by the KKK and is lynched.
Australian: Aboriginals have absolute power, no buildings, no politics, no education, no nothing. As well as this all alcohol has been replaced with the shitty flavor sensation of VB. The Sydney Opera house collapses eliminating your only real landmark, AFL is banned, the English defeat you in every sport for all eternity. And worst of all Dale Thomas has had a haircut! General lack of large meaty animals. Women are in abundance.
Austrian: Jörg Haider is prime minister. The only beverage is Austrian white wine.
Belgian: You will be forced to endure questions from American tourists about where you keep your waffles and Brussels sprouts.
Brazilian: Everyone thinks you are a wild, tropical animal.
Bulgarian: Everyone thinks you are Soviets.
Canadian: America now borders the south AND north, and you share the same leader, people constantly ask you if you are American. Hell administration doesn't have Canada in their list, so you have to be listed as American, and your Hell ID says that you are an American.
French Canadian: Nothing is printed in your language, Frenchie.
Chinese: Everything asks you if you are Japanese.
Costa Rican: You have to travel for around 30 hours to find that you were given directions to the Puerto Rican hell. You will have to work for rich Colombian and Nicaraguan families as gardener, maid, or window cleaner.
Cuban: Fidel Castro is immortal and you can't take a raft across the ocean of hot lava for asylum.
Danish: Americans think you're edible. Or they want to see you in a folk costume.
Dominican: People think you are Puerto Rican.
Dutch: Beer is nowhere to be found. Drugs, cigarettes, coffee shops, coffee, smart shops, smart coffee shops, cats, glade brand aerosol air fresheners, cough syrup, prostitutes, severe head injuries, and hairs from Dick Cheney's anus are strictly forbidden under penalty of catapult. Thus, the GDP of Amsterdam's beloved red light district is reduced by 1,000,000,000,000,000%. Windmills fall into disrepair. Spoiled European, North American, and Asian teenagers resort to finding themselves by cutting open their own chest cavities with a rusty chainsaw.
English: You are forced to repeatedly write out your life story... using American spelling. You may only drink tea with lemon. You Live under a condominium of French & Pakistani rule. Welcome to Angleterristan!
Finnish: Everybody mistakes you for a Swede. All Americans believe Finland is a former Soviet republic. Your mother's pimp is from Somalia.
French: You are dressed in a striped shirt, beret, moustache, and string of onions for eternity. Every second day your face is painted and you lose the ability to speak.
German: Everything around you will make comments about World War II and you will be force fed American coffee.
Greek: Everyone thinks you are Turkish. Everyone asks you about Plato, Alexander the Great, Aristotle, Pythagoras, etc.
Icelandic: You are forced to watch "Lazytown" for eternity.
Irish: the only thing you can say to everyone is "Top of the morning to you!" in a bad Irish accent and you will be forced to sit outside the pub, looking in at the crowd.
Indian:You will have to submit to every whim of the Britishers,eat their salt(and spit),and talk about only violence,mentioning Mahatma Gandhi in every sentence.
Israeli: The hummus is all imported from the US but the beer is still Israeli. AIPAC occasionally questions your actions. While there is a bus available to leave, it is always Saturday and the Orthodox are in charge of transportation.
Italian: The only coffee is from McDonald's. The padrone says you have to kill your son.
Japanese: You walk into a store to find out that all of the manga has been replaced with D.C and Marvel Comics and the anime has been switched with Disney and Warner Bros. cartoons and SpongeBob.
Jewish: Bagels are only available with butter, the only thing on TV is Mel Gibson's "The Passion" and you will be constantly approached by the most beautiful models, only to watch them all leave after your mother disapproves of them.
Klansmen: No white people, no Christians and everyone is gay, black, and Jewish. The price of white cloth is sky rocketing. Intelligence is much in demand. Your cousin Laura Lee is not here.
Luxembourgan: Everyone thinks you are short. (the real average height of a Luxembourgan male is 5 foot 9 just for your information)
Mexican: H1N1 is renamed "Mexican Flu" by the World Health Organization. The United States finally builds a wall, and Catholics become an oppressed minority.
Mormon: Everyone isn't dressed up to sell those books of Mormon, also lots of coffee drinking, women not wearing dresses that end below the knee and children swearing like young male sailors running about.
Muslim: The border police are American, the police are British and everyone else is Jewish. All of the world's oil disappears from the Middle East and reappears in America, Britain, and Italy. People start to question whether a religion of over a billion people can really be the victim of that much oppression.
North Korean (Normal people): Like Zimbabweans, they already live in Hell and can only go to heaven. (Kim-il Sung): Your country is successfully invaded by America. It becomes an American colony, your government is replaced by Capitalism and Democracy, and you are publicly humiliated by the American army in front of all your people, showing them you are not an omnipotent god after all.
Norwegian: You must dress as a Viking. You are a Swede.
Pakistani: You will either be sent back to Pakistan (peace be upon you) or to Guantanamo Bay indefinitely for no reason.
Palestinian: Everybody you meet will be Israeli and there will be no rocks or cameras should you try to fight them.
Peruvian: You are turned into a llama.
Portuguese: People constantly think you're Spanish.
Romanian: What? This is heaven for them. Unless you're a Gypsy.
Russian: You must watch as your country is conquered. By France.
San Marinonese: Hell is like heaven to them. They think you have a castle.
Saudi Arabian (Men): You strap a bomb to your chest and blow yourself up, only to find that you don't get virgins for your sacrifice; only grapes (Women): Already in Hell; they get a one-way ticket to heaven.
Scottish: The dress code is tartan, you are made to end every sentence with "och", "ach" or "aye." Edinburgh people are forced to live with Glaswegians, and vice versa.
South African:(Black): Apartheid is back. (White): Apartheid is back, except this time the blacks are oppressing the whites. Welcome to Zimbabwe.
South Korean: You are forced to pay for computer programmes.
Soviet Russian: In Soviet Russian hell, Capitalism runs YOU!
Spanish: Everybody speaks Catalan and you have to watch Catalonia and the Basque Country run their own country and your government.
Sweden: Everyone thinks you're blonde and like to eat meatballs and lutefisk. Somebody stole your walking helmet.
Swiss: You are constantly harassed by American comparing you to swiss cheese. Switzerland enters a war, loses miserably, and Geneva is destroyed in the process.
Turkish: Everyone you meet will be Kurdish or Greek.
Vatican: You are repeatedly artificially inseminated, only for the fetus to be aborted.
Vietnamese: Your country is still a colony of France and America repeatedly invades Vietnam to help the French suppress the communist uprisings. They always win.
Welsh: The Welsh language is not printed on roadsigns, and members of the BNP come and beat you every time you use it. Everybody makes constent comments about how terrible Welsh weather is. There are no sheep in Hell.
Yugoslavian (Serbian): No room for the Serbian people, all those Croatians, Slovenians, Bosnian Muslims, Macedonians, Kosovars, Montenegrins and Vojvodinan Hungarians have theirs.
Zimbabwean: (Normal People), Like North Koreans, they are already in hell, so they can only go to heaven. (Robert Mugabe): All farms are returned to people who can farm them, a British person walks alive through Harare, and the Zimbabwe Dollar becomes worth something.
Politician(Republican): You spend eternity in a doctor's waiting room full of poor minorities because health care has been nationalized, your estate tax is raised to subsidize gay marriages and after two terms of record approval ratings Barack Obama hands over the reins of power to President Al Franken. People will also start asking you to clearly define the word, "socialism."
Politician(Democrat): California and New York are demoted to the status of non-voting territories, cigarettes and incomes over $200,000 are no longer taxed, all Department of Education funds are sent directly to charter schools and while you actually control 80% of both houses of Congress all your legislation and Supreme Court nominations fail. After Barack Obama gives up and returns to his native Kenya, President Joe Biden decides to give daily press conferences himself without relying on a teleprompter.
Uncyclopedia Hell: You can only access articles by
noobs marked "No Redeeming Value" AND you are unable to edit them! You can write your own articles, but there is a mandatory minimum of ten references in MLA format.
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You Really Look Marvelous Today!
Yours True Liars,
SoundaryaNayaki സൌണ്ടാര്യനായകി சௌந்தர்யநாயகி
Anna Justin അണ്ണാ ജസ്റിന് அன்னா ஜஸ்டின்
We are the perfect liars; don't try to find any truth in our words!
You never shared a cup of tea, a glass of wine, or any matter which we love!
Then, how can you expect us to share the truth! Are you a stupid?
--
OOPS, you may be looking for more lies, read this document to become a perfect liar:
http://the.secret.angelfire.com/intelligence.pdf Great, you may have a desire to make everyone look like an ass. This document may help you to 'MAKE EVERYONE LOOK LIKE AS AN ASS' :
http://the.secret.angelfire.com/intelligence.pdf --
With malice toward none;
With charity for all;
With firmness toward right,
Shine with justice and truth!
Bloom forever, O beloved fellow men and woman,
From the dust of my bosom!
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No one is hurt by doing the right thing!
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Why Math has been hated by some? Because it requires them to think and forces them to give the correct and exact value. Because it has a clear distinction of right and wrong. Most people love to speak about any issue but hate to accept that they're wrong. That's the beauty of Math. Right is right and wrong is wrong.
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No one is poor but he who thinks himself so.
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The secret behind getting right answer answer from nature lies in putting right questions to her!
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SIVASHANMUGAM'S INCLUSION PRINCIPLE STATES THAT NO TWO THINGS CAN BE WITHOUT A COMMON PROPERTY.
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